Supporting Children by
Carol Jennings, PDSG
Supporting Children
We are all frightened of change and loss. When someone is ill we find it hard to cope with the pain and grief and adjust to the changes in circumstances. Knowing the child helps us to notice changes in behaviour and be aware of possible reactions. Because other family members are distressed it may be someone else who notices changes – teacher or friend. It is vital that the child’s school is informed of the changes in his/her life. It is also vital that children’s questions are answered honestly.
Changes to notice
Children often become quiet and withdrawn, afraid to ask questions, unable to talk to anyone at home. ‘Sparing’ them may be protecting ourselves. Anger, guilt and sadness can build up.
- Lack of concentration – forget where they put things – not pay attention.
- Wander aimlessly.
- Habits may increase – nail biting, twiddling hair etc.
- Attitude to food may change – eating disorders
- Bedtimes more difficult.
- Phobias – doctors, hospitals.
- Psychosomatic responses – tummy pains, lethargy, low resistance to infections.
- Regression.
Questions children want answering
Why did it happen?
Did I cause it?
Will it happen to me?
Will the person get better?
Who will take care of me?
Why children need information
It gives then a sense of control. Even if the answer is ‘I don’t know’ at least it shows the adult is more in control than if they say nothing.
Without information children’s imagination about what is wrong and who is responsible runs riot.
Without information children feel left out and cut off – they may cut themselves off further
Hiding facts can be felt by children to be the same as lying to them.
They need to know what is happening to make informed decisions about what they want to do in the present and in the future.
Carers UK (Support and information for carers of all ages and for professionals, including teachers as well as social workers). Can put children in touch with Young Carers projects which provide support information and opportunities for young carers in many parts of the country. Some help for children who are not carers too.
Carers UK
20-25 Glasshouse Yard
London EC1A 4JT
Tel: 0207 490 8818
Wales: 0292 081 1370
CarersLine Freephone: 0808 808 7777
Lines open Mon-Fri, 10am-12 and 2-4pm.
Children can give their number and the Young Carer’s Officer will call back. http://www.carersonline.org.uk
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